Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Downtime

Tomorrow is the amnio, featuring Dr. Tex. I plan on taking a day or two of mostly-bedrest afterward, so I may or may not make it back here to update this blog in the near term. I am assuming the amnio itself will go okay (after all, we are shelling out the big bucks to Make It So), but I am worried about two things -- one trivial and one not.

The trivial bit is: Will it hurt? I hear that the amnio feels like a "pinch" to most women, but that reminds me of a pediatrician I had when I was little, who would tell me he was going to give me a "mosquito bite" whenever I had to take a shot. That always annoyed the hell out of me. Even when I was four, I knew the difference between a mosquito bite and a damned shot. (Hm, and I still hate patronizing, condescending men! LOL!) Anyway, I just hope it doesn't hurt too much since I'm a wimp about these things.

The untrivial bit is worrying about the results. My intuition tells me that the kids are fine. Now, sometimes my intuition is astoundingly on the money, but there are other times it takes a hike to parts unknown and gets lost out there. So I can't rely on that.

I am -- well, not terrified, but certainly very concerned that one or both of them might have Down syndrome or some other genetic abnormality that would be very difficult to deal with. D and I talked at great length about DS in particular, but also disability in general, and we agree that neither of us want to raise a disabled child. Of course, something could happen during the birth process, such as a shortage of oxygen, or sometime in the future, the kid could walk under a bus and suffer brain damage -- but it just seems to both of us that there is a big difference between coping with problems as they come along, and volunteering for a lifetime of problems. And of course, with modern technology, you don't have to volunteer for that if you don't want to.

But I can't imagine how awful it would be to terminate one of the babies now (or -- horrors!! -- both?). That last ultrasound completely did me in. The babies were facing each other, and hopping and bopping in there -- moving all over the place, and being completely adorable and astounding. They are becoming very real to me. I look at this enormous belly I'm growing, and frankly it just looks (and feels) like I've swallowed a watermelon -- but the ultrasound makes it all real for me. I want these babies. I want these babies. And I want both of them! I have progressed from not being able to imagine my life with the burden of twins, to being quietly tickled and amazed that I -- little old me! -- I managed to win the two-fer-one package! Woo hoo!

There's been an awful lot of praying going on here, and will be for the next couple of weeks, I guess. (We're not doing the 3-day preliminary FISH since that's another $600 or so, and I would want the full report before acting on anything, anyway.)

Oh, boy. I am pretty sure this two week wait will be worse that the original two week wait ever was.

2 Comments:

Blogger Suz said...

It is a bad wait...I'll be thinking of you and of the little ones.

5:45 AM  
Blogger Thalia said...

Two weeks must seem like forever at this point. I hope it went well and that we can keep you entertained for the next 2 weeks.

3:27 AM  

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